Many years ago I listened to a preacher share about how his wife would
leave the television on at night and sleep off and they lived in a
country where you pay based on how long you keep the TV on. Leaving the
TV on therefore increases the television bill.
That attitude of
his wife would annoy him and he was always angry at his wife for doing
that yet it continued. It was obvious it was going to become a strain in
the marriage.
Then one day while ruminating over this issue,I
asked myself, “Is your marriage not worth fifty dollars extra at the end
of the month? If this attitude of your wife will mean an extra bill of
fifty dollars is it too much to pay for peace to be in your marriage?”
Unlike me, my wife is not a morning person. I can wake up by 2:00am,
work till 5:00am, go back to bed and still get up by 6:00am and start my
day. For my wife, I literally have to drag her out of bed in the
morning. Her day begins only after she has had her bath.
In some
homes, the wife is the one who goes to the kitchen to heat up water for
the family to bathe. I guess it comes naturally with women. In my home,
heaven help me if I wait for my wife to do that. I will wait for a long
time. So I have resolved to make that my responsibility.
Even
with the kids I will still have to be the one doing that in the morning
because my wife is not a morning person. If that is the price I have to
pay for peace to be in my home, it is worth it. We are talking about the
price of peace.
One of my friends shared with me how his wife
will never monitor the fuel gauge when driving. It is when the car
finally stops that she realizes the car has run out of fuel. Guess who
she will call? The husband. He will have to be the one to sort out the
problem.
After several of such calls he had to find a way around
it. He ensures the fuel tank is full at the beginning of the week which
will take the wife through the week. That way he does not get any phone
call that the car has stopped. It is the price of peace for him.
When I was working on this article I requested that people share some of
the prices they have had to pay to maintain peace in their homes. I got
a lot of responses that revealed that no marriage is perfect. The
reason we see certain marriages as better than ours is because the
parties in those marriages are ready to pay certain prices to maintain
peace in their homes.
Let me share a few of the responses I got.
“In my home I just have to tolerate my husband’s attitude. He has this
habit of talking over issues repeatedly. He can talk, talk and talk when
a situation happens and will nag you till you fall over. So to allow
peace what I do is try and keep my mouth shut. No argument, no talking
back or simply walk away so that peace can reign.”
-Ajoke Mariam Osikoya
“I usually don’t turn off the lights in a room when I’m done using it.
At the beginning of my marriage hubby will tell me to always make sure I
do that when exiting the room, but after correcting me several times
without change, he decided to just check back anytime I leave a room and
will help turn the lights off. He just stopped complaining and started
helping me do it. Eventually, I had to determine in myself to be more
aware and I’ve gotten better doing that.
-Olubunmi Adeleye,
“My wife has a thing for matchsticks. After using one, she keeps it for
’emergency’. This act irritates me. No matter how long we discuss this
(more than 9 years now) she still does. So I decided to dispose them and
then I offer her a fresh one should an ’emergency’ arise.”
-Dapo Shodunke
“I don’t pressurize my husband to do or not to do anything, especially
something he really wants to, or really doesn’t want to do. Putting
pressure on him will only irritate him. I keep quiet and I pray instead.
That way, I have peace and also get what I want. On the other hand, my
husband will always hang the mosquito nets, switch off the lights and
unplug my phones, because I always sleep off. He has stopped
complaining. He will do the job instead.”
-Bisola Muktar Mary
Those were just a few of the several responses I got about the price of
peace that people are paying in their homes. A lot of other people were
encouraged when they saw that they were not alone. You think you are
the only one having an issue until you listen to others.
Sometimes we need to do things we don’t like for the sake of peace. If
it is not too high a price then why not just do it and move on with our
lives? Not every battle is worth fighting.
That is why it is
important to be able to lead yourself because for these people whose
reports we just read you find that either they or their spouses took
responsibility for peace. That is part of what personal leadership is
about.
I could have picked a fight with my wife for refusing to
get up from the bed in the morning. Hamzah could have picked a fight
with his wife for that thing with the matchsticks. Fatimah’s husband
could have picked a fight with her for always forgetting to turn off the
lights. But personal leadership helped us to take the other route
thereby maintaining peace in our homes.
Now this does not mean
you will never have to correct each other in the relationship or
continually be in endurance mode throughout the marriage especially when
it has to do with abuse. That is a completely different matter. You
don’t endure abuse. But instead of fighting over why your spouse always
presses the toothpaste tube from the middle, why not buy a second one so
you have yours and he has his and both of you have peace? Has that not
solved the problem?
Share to save a marriage .
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