wife has a remarkable way of showing you the truth about how and why people
behave the way they do. It’s like being an unpaid therapist. After enough
repetition of the same problems, you begin to understand the frailties of human
nature.
It turns out, people aren’t
unlucky. We’re just sinners, and we all swallow the same deceptions and do the
same stupid stuff. The responsibility of knowing (and not talking about or being
able to control) other people’s sins and consequences can be weighty and
stressful.
wiser and more intuitive…
If nothing else, my life as
a pastor’s wife has shown me that people are people. It doesn’t matter how much
money they have, or if they’re married, or if they love God. Every person makes
the same kinds of mistakes and feels pretty much the same inner turmoil as every
other person.
This is the wisdom I’ve gleaned from serving people with
messy, fairly normal lives:
you.
It’s easy for everyone — introvert or extrovert — to live for
approval and praise. We all naturally focus on what we wear, what we do, and/or
what people think of us. Approval, however, is a bottomless pit of
disappointment. Living for other people’s praise and respect will ruin your
life, because complete love and approval can’t be attained outside of God’s
forgiveness.
“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a
workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of
truth.” (2 Timothy 2:15)
2. Intimate friendships demand an investment
of time, energy, forgiveness, and sacrifice.
Church is a great place to
build and nurture friendships, but it’s also an easy place for disappointment
and superficiality. We all tend to hide our personal and spiritual problems from
other people because we don’t want to be hurt or embarrassed. Please realize
that you will never achieve intimate friendships without risk. Bearing each
other’s burdens (which requires transparency) and praying for one another (which
requires humility) is what forges deep bonds of friendship.
“Be
completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
(Ephesians 4:2)
3. Many of our life experiences seem unjust and
unfair.
While it’s easy to believe we’ve been cheated of the life God
owes us, we must remember that God is infallible and holy. He is not unfair or
unloving; God just operates with different purposes than us and on a different
schedule. He will reconcile the world’s injustices according to His plan.
“Those who plant injustice will harvest disaster, and their reign of
terror will come to an end.” (Proverbs 22:8)
4. Everyone is looking
for love.
All of us are wired for connection to God and each other. We
want love, acceptance, respect, and relationship. When people are unloving, try
to remember that every person in the world is on a quest for significance, but
most people don’t realize that fulfillment and significance only happen only
through Christ. And if you’re the one looking for love, start with the Person
who will love unconditionally.
“You must love the Lord your God with all
your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love
your neighbor as yourself’.” (Luke 10:27)
5. No one has a perfect
life; as convincing as Facebook is, appearance is not reality.
Our
culture is wired for presentation. We are all accustomed to believing what we
see and presenting what we want people to believe. Because we crave the ideal,
we ignore reality and spend a lifetime in vain pursuits to have more and be
more. We waste precious time becoming friends with popular people and trying to
create a perfect life. Instead, realize that God designed you uniquely for the
life He wanted you to have.
“Be perfect, therefore, as your Father is
perfect.” (Matthew 5:28)
6. Bitterness will poison your
life.
You might think that holding a grudge, hating someone, or refusing
to forgive a wrong is a worthy punishment for someone who’s mistreated you. But
that’s a lie. Bitterness eats away at the person who carries it. Your hating,
refusing to forgive, and holding grudges might make the offending person feel
bad, but these actions will wreak greater havoc in your life. Medical research
also shows that bitterness negatively affects emotional and physical body
function.
“Another man dies in bitterness of soul, having never enjoyed
anything good.” (Job 21:25)
7. Grief is universal, and there are no
shortcuts through it.
Heartache must be handled with respect and support
of others. Many people struggle with handling grief in an unhealthy manner,
either hiding from community or busying themselves to forget. Before you judge
someone for their behavior, consider whether they might be handling grief,
however incorrectly, and give them grace. Your actions will give a mountain of
comfort to their lives.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be
comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)
8. Anyone is capable of committing any sin,
given the circumstances and desperation.
As Christians, we often find
ourselves appalled by other people’s choices. Instead, we should feel love for
them, while offering forgiveness and fellowship. If you live in a state of shock
over other people’s sins, a spiritual superiority complex will grow in you. And
very often, you will commit the same sin at a later date.
“If someone is
caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.
But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1)
9.
Serving God is a heart decision, not a job.
It doesn’t require a title,
a paycheck, affirmation, or celebrity status. It’s a personal decision, rife
with obstacles, temptations, and hard work, no matter who you are. You have to
decide to follow Christ, and then you have to decide that many times a day for
the rest of your life. You might assume that someone else is more qualified to
serve at church, witness to your neighbor, or stand for a cause. But God
commands and equips all believers — including you — to serve Him.
“Whoever wants to be my disciple should deny themselves and take up
their cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)
10. You’re someone’s
hero.
Everyone loves to immortalize people with amazing talents and
leadership abilities. That’s not the kind of influence God wants you to have.
God has given you opportunities for influencing the people around you toward
salvation and good works. You don’t have to be perfect. In fact, being authentic
in your struggle to grow in faith is the best example you can give others. Let
people see that God is transforming you daily. That will inspire others to seek
Him!
“Don’t let anyone look down on you… but set an example… in
speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” (1 Timothy
4:12)
[written by Sue Schlesman]
