after my wedding day, I headed out of town for a work event. As I walked into
the meeting room, I stopped so quickly the person behind me just about ran into
me. There sitting on a chair was James, my college ex-boyfriend. Talk about
unexpected! It was the first time we’d seen each other since college. I felt
like rubbing my eyes a few times to be sure I wasn’t seeing things. James was as
pleasant as could be, and (after the shock wore off) it was kind of fun to hear
where he’d ended up.
Later as I pondered the chance encounter, I realized
all over again that I don’t miss him.
me laugh. And we had a lot in common — not the least of which was a shared love
of God and of music.
But when I look at how my life story has turned out,
I realize God had a far better plan for me to marry my husband, Dave. So much
better, in fact, that I want to wipe my forehead and say “Phew, thanks for
saving me from the other choice!”
Dave and I have been married for
fourteen years and three months. In our marriagelifetime we’ve inhabited five
houses, driven ten different cars, worked fourteen jobs between us, and lived in
three states ranging across 2,100 miles. And the best part? We love each other
better now than the day we stood on the church platform in a tuxedo and fancy
white gown.
So when the statistics warn that 50% of even Christian
marriages end in divorce, how is it possible to find — and keep — the right
one?
Finding the right one to begin with certainly helps! Here are five
signs that you married the right person.
The first sign that you married the right
person is that the two of you are still growing with God. Neither of you is
resting on past godliness or expecting the other to be the sole spiritual one in
the relationship. You’re both committed to God and know that your individual
relationships with Him are your own responsibility. Personal spiritual growth
lays the solid foundation for growth as a couple and for ultimate success in
marriage too.
2. Love that endures
Marriage has its ups and
downs, and every marriage will pass through different seasons – seasons of joy,
plenty, sorrow, tight budgets, and perhaps even in-law drama. One of the signs
that you married the right person is that you love each other through every
season — the good days, the bad days, and the “meh” days in between. Your love
for each other is the kind of love that endures. A love that is based on who the
other person is, not on peripheral things like how he acts or what she does for
you or even how happy you feel together. Enduring love is based on the truth of
who the other person is. It’s the deepest, truest kind of love because it’s
patterned after the love God has for us.
3. Common enjoyment and
inspiration
A couple who is right for each other truly likes being
together. That may sound silly at first, but glance around and you’ll find a lot
of couples who don’t appear to like each other all that much.
If you and
your spouse enjoy some things in common, like being in each other’s company, and
continue to inspire each other, that’s a beautiful sign you married the right
one! Whether it’s hiking, trying the new restaurant downtown, or just laughing
at the same silly sitcom, you enjoy being together. And if through that
connection you inspire laughter and enjoyment of life, that’s definitely a good
sign.
4. Values that align
This is one of the biggies that
often gets overlooked. A crucial sign that you married the right person is that
you two are a values match. This means the two of you think the same intangibles
are important. For my husband and me that’s things like faith, authenticity,
creativity, inspiration, never speaking badly about your spouse to another
person, being lifelong learners, going big for God.
When you and your
spouse align in values, you will pursue life in a way that’s compatible because
you consider similar things important. A similar life view makes for strong
connection which helps to create a lasting bond — the kind of bond lifelong
marriages are made of.
5. Better together than apart
And the
biggest sign that you married the right person is that the two of you are better
together than apart. In this wild, crazy ride we call life, you’ve discovered
that you handle life best side by side. You know deep down that God created you
with the other in mind, and you are convinced to the depths of your soul that
you can affect the world for God best as a team. You are stronger, smarter,
braver, kinder, better versions of yourselves together. And you can happily say,
“O magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt his name together” (Psalm
34:3).
[written by Janna Wright]
