Wives & Mothers… your important roles in the family

But note who benefits first from this woman’s
industry and goodwill. For her, kindness begins at home. With her family. With
her inner circle. With those who share her daily life. Her kindness toward her
husband, for example, is displayed in a daily commitment that remains
undiminished with the passing of time or when their relationship may be in a
hard place: “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (Prov.
31:12).

Not a day is wasted by lashing out in frustration and anger or
being passive-aggressive. Every day is seen as an opportunity to do her husband
good with her attitude, words, and actions. This is a huge gift she gives to him
— and to herself, as her husband responds with the highest of praise for his
wife.

The Proverbs 31 woman’s selfless, thoughtful deeds also bless her
entire family as she labors tirelessly and faithfully to ensure their needs are
met.

She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household
are clothed in scarlet…. She looks well to the ways of her household and does
not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed (vv.
21, 27–28).

If a couple were staying at our house for the weekend, we’d be
sure clean towels were in the bathroom, their linens were freshly washed, dinner
was flexible to their schedule, and a fresh pot of coffee was brewing in the
morning. But when our own kids and husband need something — well, they know
where the refrigerator is and how to turn on the
oven.

Right?

Managing a busy household, dealing with the daily
tasks related to serving husbands and kids — or whatever other responsibilities
you may have — requires diligence and discipline day in and day out. It requires
hard work, sometimes exhausting work. But it also requires kindness — or as one
commentator put it, “a lack of irritability in light of the nagging demands of
mundane and routine household duties.”

And that’s where things can get
challenging. It’s so easy for us to be like the woman who once lamented to me
with refreshing candor, “I’m only good enough to look good to the world.” At
home, it’s often another story.

When I’m out speaking at a conference, I
can be exceedingly gracious, kind, and patient with long lines of women who want
to share their burdens and their (at times long, detailed) stories, looking them
in the eyes, never complaining about my tired, aching back and feet. But when
those closest to me — in my home, my family, or our ministry — need a listening
ear, an attentive heart, or a thoughtful act, I can be preoccupied, unfeeling,
or just too busy.

Who among us hasn’t had the experience of being in the
middle of a tense, unkind exchange at home, only to instantly change our tone
and talk warmly with a outsider who calls or stops by? What does that say to our
loved ones about how we value them and about the authenticity of our “kindness”
to others?

Already, in the short time I’ve
been a wife, I’ve witnessed at moments the distance-creating, intimacy-killing
impact of a lack of kindness on my part toward my husband. Unkind words spoken
thoughtlessly, kind words left unspoken, inconsiderate actions; being too
self-absorbed to notice and celebrate an accomplishment in my husband’s
business; wounding him in sensitive areas with insensitive teasing; being too
busy with my own stuff to carry out small acts of kindness that would serve and
bless him.

But I’ve also experienced the incredible importance and power
of kindness in a marriage. I have seen it modeled in the marriages of some of my
closest friends and of my Titus 2 mentors. And Robert’s tender heart and his
consistent kindness — always looking for ways to serve and bless me — have
inspired me to be more tuned in to how I can do good to him. Being the recipient
of his kindness has increased my desire to outdo him in this area.

Often,
I’ve found, it’s the little things — the simple expressions of gratitude and
kindness — that express love to my husband and set the tone in our relationship.
Leaving encouraging sticky notes in his One-Year Bible when he is headed out on
a trip. Turning down the sheet on his side of the bed at night. Delivering a
sandwich and cold root beer on a hot day when he’s outside working on a project.
Stopping in the middle of a busy work day to head downstairs to his study and
find out how his day is going. Honoring his preferences over mine. Assuming the
best when he forgets to tell me a piece of news. Choosing to overlook some
perceived (or real) slight rather than grinding his nose in it. A kind heart
expressed in kind words and kind deeds oils our relationship and softens and
draws our hearts toward each other.

Your call to kindness at home will
probably take different forms from mine. It may involve curbing a sharp reaction
to a childish accident, replenishing the fridge with snacks for a teen, helping
a roommate with a project, repeating yourself gently to an elderly parent. But
if we were all to demonstrate true kindness toward the people who know us best
and see us at our worst, our more public displays of affection would likely ring
more true.