Let Your Real Self Shine Through
The truth is, sometimes I’m not fine.
There are moments my day hasn’t gone great, and yes, some days the weather
really does stink.
That’s what I want to say at least, but I rarely do.
How about you?
There are a lot of things about me I
don’t say, many truths I keep tucked inside, hidden in the bottom drawer of my
heart, for fear others wouldn’t want to hear about what’s really going on with
me. Somehow I believe if I let them see the real me, they might think I’m crazy,
too much to handle. Or they might just reject me altogether.
So I’ve
learned to edit myself. If we’re honest, I think most of us edit ourselves.
We’ve learned to do a fair job stitching together the prettiest sides of
ourselves to show people while keeping the worn and ragged edges hidden out of
sight. We pray no one will notice and try to convince ourselves our patchwork
looks as good as new. As long as no one gets too close.
Up close is
where the reality of our threadbare and disheveled selves might poke through.
Where the tears, the insecurities, the pockets full of unworthiness spill their
ugly selves onto our identity. It isn’t pretty.
The problem is, all the
years I hid my truest self, all the years I kept everyone at arm’s length, I
also kept the beauty of intimacy and vulnerability from ever reaching my
impenetrable, fear-filled heart.
Relationship is the casualty of a
guarded heart, the victim of pretense and shame.
Authenticity at its
core is transparency and admission of failure. It’s the rejection of insincerity
and hypocrisy. It’s truth-telling about all areas of life, even our soul spaces,
where our greatest fears and sorrows reside.
Brene Brown describes
authenticity as, the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed
to be and embracing who we are.
Authenticity is a gift not just to
ourselves, but to all of our relationships. Here are three ways you can start to
cultivate authenticity and let your real self shine through.
1. Claim
Your Belovedness
The more we as Christians own our worth based on God’s
incredible love for us, the more we can begin to see ourselves as worthy, not
based on performance, certainly not based on perfection, but based on position.
Upon Whose we are. God’s beloved children.
Henri J.M. Nouwen describes,
Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it
contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved
constitutes the core truth of our existence.
When our worth is based
solely on other’s acceptance or approval, it is a roller-coaster waiting for the
next dive. It is inconsistent at best, bumpy throughout, and at some point
always crashes to a halt.
However, knowing ourselves and our worth as
God’s beloved, in whom He delights, is the stongest foundation for each of us to
grow curious, eager —to explore, to create, to dream, and possibly even to
dare.
2. Resist The Urge To Strive
Striving is a lethal drug
for a perfectionist. We remain almost helpless to resist its power, its
compulsion to prove, to perform, to achieve. Yet striving will almost certainly
destroy us from the inside out. It fills us with fear and empties us of any
courage or creativity.
Striving has been one of the fiercest competitors
throughout my life, and I would dare say, it has gotten the best of me many
times in the past. What makes resisting the urge to strive so difficult is how
intensely our culture celebrates it. We revere the pursuit of acquisition, we
extol the virtue of accomplishment, and fantasize that rest is waiting for us
just across the finish line. Until we cross the finish line, and realize that
even here, there is no rest. Just another finish line, another demand, another
task to prove our worth.
Martin Luther expressed, I have held many things
in my hands, and have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands,
that I still possess.
Once our worth is settled, we can rest in believing
whether we succeed or fail, whether we are celebrated or not, whether our
ranking on amazon.com is at the top or on the bottom, we are enough. Period. Our
performance is not attached to our worth.
3. Be More Emotionally
Honest
No, that doesn’t mean to emotionally vomit on anyone and everyone
with whom you come into contact. Emotional honesty simply means we become more
intentional about accepting ourselves —our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values,
opinions, and perspectives — and we are not afraid to share appropriately and
respectfully with those around us.
Psalm 32:1-2 (NLT) states, Oh, what
joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight!
Yes, what joy for those whose record the LORD has cleared of guilt, whose lives
are lived in complete honesty!
Do you share freely your opinions with
others, even if they differ? Do you find yourself withholding your thoughts and
feelings from the people around you? Is your highest priority not to do or say
anything that might make people unhappy with you?
We can find healthy,
compassionate ways to let our true selves shine through without being
disrespectful or unkind. The more we feel worthy, the easier it is to risk
potential ridicule or rejection from others because we don’t need their approval
to feel good about ourselves.
Mother Teresa shares, Honesty and
transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.
If
you find yourself longing to let go of the façade, craving a place that is real,
you can begin today to cultivate authenticity in your life.
Claim Your Belovedness. Your worth is
settled.
Resist The Urge To Strive. You are enough.
Be More
Emotionally Honest. Let the real you shine through.
Authenticity
embraces our healing journey in its totality —the journey toward accepting who
we are, toward becoming more courageous, toward embracing who we are not yet,
but will one day be. The journey is beautiful, it is hopeful. It is Christ in
us, the way of peace.
[written by Lisa Murray]
