How To Raise Your Son To Grow Into A Better Man

Boys aren’t meant to act like girls, since God has designed the genders
differently so that they will complement and mutually benefit each other. Rather
than expecting your son to behave like the girls you know, give him the freedom
he needs to be himself – the way God made him to be.

Examine your
gender biases and ask God to help you change them. 

Reflect honestly on the stereotypes you may have about boys and how you may
be biased against them. Do you assume that boys will be disruptive, messy,
inattentive, insensitive, disrespectful, unable to follow directions, tough, or
unfeeling? If certain boys don’t act in those ways, do you think that they’re
weak since they don’t fit your image of macho behavior? Ask God to show you
which attitudes you currently have about boys that are inaccurate, and then pray
for the Holy Spirit to renew your mind and give you the right perspective on
boys.

Teach your son lessons he needs to learn from a mother or other
caring people who can be maternal influences in his life. 

Give your son what he needs from maternal influences by assembling a team
of people (including his mother, if she’s available) to invest in his upbringing
by: bonding with him for long periods of time through shared activities,
providing hands-on and needs-based attachment whenever possible, emphasizing
multitasking in his development, helping him express his emotions in words,
practicing and teaching direct empathy, providing an example of relinquishing
personal independence to meet his needs, promoting his character development
through communicating with words, and helping him feel his emotions and learn
how to comfort him after he goes through stress.

Teach your son
lessons he needs to learn from a father or other caring people who can be
paternal influences in his life. 

Give your son what he needs from paternal influences by assembling a team
of people (including his father, if he’s available) to invest in his upbringing
by: bonding with him for short periods of time through shared activities,
teaching him how to think in orderly and sequential ways, downplaying emotion
and emphasizing performance, promoting risk taking and independence, teaching
him how to fight against negative thinking from his peers, promoting respect for
positive authority, encouraging him to build confidence through learning how to
do things well, and helping him feel stronger – but not necessarily better –
after he goes through stress.

Encourage your son to develop the
character of a hero. 

Boys and men are naturally drawn to the hero archetype, since God has
placed the desire for greatness within every male. If you view the word “hero”
as an acronym, you can list key character traits that heroes develop: honor
(adhering to truth, values, and principles beyond self), enterprise (working at
important things, whether they seem or large), responsibility (carrying
important people and things throughout life), and originality (being a dreamer,
a thinker, and explorer in the world). Another key character trait of a hero is
self-discipline, which will help your son build confidence as he disciplines
himself to work toward his goals.

Help your son process his emotions
in ways that fit his male design. 

Study your son’s emotional life for at least a week, noting the feelings he
expresses about interactions he has with other people and the circumstances he
goes through in various situations. Then consider how you can help him process
his emotions in ways that can work best for males, such as: releasing stress
through physical movement like exercise, using an object or a story to help
express the emotions he feels, withdrawing from people so he can think more
clearly about his emotions, or searching for a solution to the problem that has
elicited challenging emotions. Be sure to give your son the freedom he needs to
cry, as well; crying is a sign of strength, not weakness, because it signals
healthy emotional processing.

Teach your son how to develop a healthy
s*xuality. 

Talk with your son openly about s*x, answering all of his questions
honestly and always presenting information from the perspective that his
sexuality is a good part of the way God has made him (rather than something
dirty that should make him feel ashamed). Explain the many benefits of saving
s*x until marriage – as well as the physical, emotional, and spiritual
consequences of ignoring God’s design for s*x – so your son will understand why
it’s important to wait. Encourage your son to use physical exercise as a way of
releasing pent-up s*xual energy and don’t worry about masturbation, but try your
best to keep him away from pornography, since porn can be very dangerous for
him.

Help your son do his best in school. 

If you homeschool your son, make sure that his active mind is engaged and
challenged. If he attends school elsewhere, serve as your son’s advocate with
his teachers and school administrators to help him be engaged and challenged,
and give him the support and encouragement he needs to do his homework
well.

Encourage your son to use technology for good
purposes. 

While you should limit your son’s daily screen time (in front of screens
such as computers, television, and video games) since too much screen time will
stunt his development, you should also encourage your son to use technology in
ways that help him pursue his interests, learn new skills, and put his God-given
talents into action.

Help your son measure his progress toward
manhood. 

Talk with your son about what it means to become a man and what steps he
can aim to take along the way to manhood. Celebrate his progress with some rites
of passage, such as an event through your church or a special trip or outing
that you take with him.

Lead your son to an active faith. 

Pray often for your son to enjoy a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.
Keep in mind that, for faith to be relevant to males, it should be part of a
heroic and wholehearted adventure for Jesus in which they continually submit
their own wills to God’s will. Join a church in which your son can actively
participate as He grows, and aim to be the best role model you can be for him
through your own relationship with Jesus.

[written by Whitney
Hopler]