Bertha and her husband Gary were young and just getting started in the
Lord’s work. Gary would sometimes be invited to preach in a church and
at other times sing. This particular Sunday, after the service Bertha
waited while her young groom stood near the piano talking with one of
the women in the church.
The woman’s daughter, perhaps 9 years old, stood nearby staring at Bertha. At length, she spoke up.
“Do you sing?” she asked.
“No, I’m afraid I don’t sing,” said Bertha.
The child was quiet a long moment. Then, “Do you play the piano?”
“No,” Bertha answered. “I don’t play the piano.”
The child stared at her while processing this information. Finally, she blurted out, “Don’t you do anything?”
Ask
any pastor’s wife. The expectations on her can be enormous. One would
think that it was she who was being employed by the church and not her
husband.
In time, Bertha found her “job” in the church. In
addition to taking very good care of the pastor (she cut Gary’s hair and
shined his shoes on Saturday nights!) and their two children, she
became the unofficial greeter in churches they served. On Sundays she
roamed the congregation greeting people, hugging the young and old,
welcoming newcomers, and ministering to the seniors. She provided a
depth of warmth and personalness which a pastor can only dream of
having.
To this day, Bertha–my bride of nine months–can be found
all over the churches where I preach. As a schoolteacher all her adult
life, she has no trouble meeting strangers, and roams up and down the
aisles talking to everyone. When the service ends and we are heading for
the parking lot, it’s she who gets stopped by everyone and hugged and
invited back. They hardly know I’m there.
And I love it.
When
Larry and Sandy went to their big church, we were excited for them.
Larry was a fine preacher and a solid leader “with his head on
straight.” Sandy would play the organ for the church whenever she was
there.
Sandy was a nurse. She worked in a large hospital in the
downtown area. And from time to time, this required her to work
weekends. So, there were times when the pastor’s wife was not in church,
but on duty at the local medical center caring for people in crisis.
The criticism was immediate.
How dare the pastor’s wife not be in church every Sunday? Why, when
Pastor Elrod was here, his wife was president of the missionary union?
And she knew every child’s name by heart. Isn’t the pastor’s wife sort
of the hospitality leader of the church? I know it’s not spelled out in
the personnel manual anywhere, but isn’t that just assumed?
And then, something happened to stop the criticism.
A
church leader found himself having surgery, the life-threatening kind
that puts the fear of the Lord into a person. And when he looked up and
saw that the nurse was his pastor’s wife, that sweet and lovely lady who
often played the organ for worship, his heart jumped for joy. The
comfort of her presence was immeasurable.
You’re a pastor’s wife. What will you do?
Every
spouse of every minister gets asked this question. So, you may as well
come up with a stock answer for it and have it ready.
“I take care of the pastor so he can take care of you.” That’s a good response. And all that is necessary.
Most
people who ask that question – even the search committees – are not
making demands on you, and they are definitely not trying to “start
something.” This is simply their way of inquiring how you see your role
in the church. So, do not overreact.
Do. Not. Overreact.
Just have a simple, sweet answer ready. Say it, smile big, and be quiet.
In most cases, they will be fine with that.
There
was a day, and it wasn’t all that long ago, when enormous expectations
were placed on the wife of the pastor. Perfect kids, dressed to the
nines every Sunday, leadership in missions, and ready to bring an
inspirational talk on the spur of the moment. They’re not doing that any
more, to my knowledge. More and more, pastors’ wives are being allowed
to find their niche and decide for themselves what the Lord has for them
in that church.
Here’s a verse for you, pastor’s wife…
“Not that we are sufficient to think anything of ourselves. But our sufficiency is of God.” (2 Corinthians 3:5)
I’ve
never met a pastor’s wife who felt capable and adequate for the
responsibility thrust upon her, particularly at first. But in time, the
reality of 2 Corinthians 3:5 sets in and they find that the Lord is not
only with her husband when he goes about the work of the shepherd, but
He is just as much on the job with her. The real joy comes when she sees
how God is using “my little bit.” Those words of love and
encouragement, her ministry of prayer, the loaves of banana bread she
bakes (eight at a time!) and distributes to certain ones in the
congregation, and such.
God bless all pastors’ wives. And yes, the husbands of pastors also.
It’s
the greatest life there is. But I cannot leave this matter there.
Please readMatthew 10 starting with verse 16 and going through the end
of the chapter. This is the fine print on the call God has given you and
your spouse. So, don’t be surprised when the best people act in the
worst way, my friend. Keep your eyes on the Lord and not on man.
People will let you down; He never will. Your sufficiency is of Christ and only Him.
[written by Joe McKeever]
